I have to say to the idiots of the world: It is okay. I think deep down we are all idiots just running around attempting to make it through another day, yet I find myself with a crown on my head, the queen of idiots.
We can pretend all we want that we are different. You can place yourself on a high pedestal, but I promise you, you are kidding yourself. The one person you can not hide from is yourself, and you know better than that.
I am a complete and utter idiot, and now that I have accepted this, I do not feel better. Do you ever do something so incredibly stupid you can’t stop thinking about how embarrassed you are. The embarrassment lives in the bottom of your stomach, and makes a home among your organs. Accepting you’re an idiot does no good then.
That’s the point I am at, so what do I do? I’ve already admitted, yes, I am an idiot. So what is the next step in making this infestation leave my system? I do things I know will hurt me, and then I allow myself to be hurt about it later. I’m sick of this; please tell me I am not the only one who does this. I am not the only one who expects the best from people and then is disappointed when they spit fire in my face and burn me alive. Why do I expect the best of everyone even when i know they will hurt me in the end. I think I am different, and that is why I believe they will not hurt me and then they do. I am not different. Bad people are bad people because they do bad to everyone.
I realize this, but then next week I’ll go trusting the wrong people again or work to get the attention of someone who will throw it back in my face. I try to make amends, and what I get back is hurt and that embarrassment forming a residency in the pit that resides in my stomach.